Dear Family

Oh you sweet precious little imps!  You’ve left me another gift.  Yes, I just love it when I walk into the kitchen and spy a stack of food crusted bowls and plates haphazardly piled in the kitchen sink and the immediate environs. It always reminds me of a scene from a three stooges episode and brings a tear to my eye….Well, perhaps that is not really what brings a tear… But regardless I thought perhaps I would not seem ungrateful if I explained the purpose and operation of the large stainless door that resides just adjacent to the sink.

I know it seems scary and mysterious but that ominous exterior belies a wonderful magical experience inside.  It is really simple, but I confess there are nuances that you must master to get the full benefit.  First, I must tell you the … name of this device, a Dishwasher.  The name provides a small clue to the purpose of the mysterious machine – look closely: DISH  Washer. Yes, yes, this box “washes” dishes.  But there is a shortcoming of this technology that has yet to be solved (except in animated movies).  It will only wash the dishes if you put them INSIDE the box!  I know that seems like a lot of effort vs. just dropping them in the sink.  But if you could just experience the rewarding glow of putting in a grungy soiled bowl and removing a shiny pristine looking tureen – I just know you will fall in love with the experience.

Frankly, if you could overcome the hurdle of expending the effort of just sticking the dish in the box, I’d be happy.. but I confess that there is a bit more required to get the full benefit of this contraption. Some of the complications include:

The dishes may need to have the remaining food scraped out of them before sticking them in the box.  You see, it does not have teeth or a true digestive system.  So there is no way for it to chew or digest.  Just remember that this box is not actually hungry and does not need the food.

  There is a little bit of structure required when inserting dishes (sometimes called “loading”) in the dish-washer device. That is why there are rows of racks in the drawers of the contraption. In other words, you can’t just toss in a plate and shut the door.

This contrivance actually uses jets of water and soap to spray the containers clean.  Therefore, the dirty side of the dish must actually be accessible to the water sprays.  That means you can’t put two bowls or plates stuck to each other and expect to benefit from the power of this tool.

 As with many miraculous things, there is a balance required.  If the box is too empty- it provides little benefit.  And if it is too full, it does not clean that well… so find a way to fill the drawers (or racks) to the point that you can still close the door.  An important note here – The door must actually be able to shut for this thing to work.

 Lastly – it does require soap.  But only a special kind.  And the soap needs to go into the box before it starts.  Just having soap in the house with the dish – dohicky does not count.

This is a lot of material I know, so feel free to print out a copy to read in your spare time.  I’ll laminate a copy and put it next to the sink!

I hesitate to mention this, but the device does have another shortcoming… It does not put the dishes back into the cabinets after it cleans them.  It is a shortcoming that Steve Jobs would have addressed in the next iphone had he not been cut short… but until the next technology prophet arises, we must stifle our groans and laboriously remove each vessel and strain to put them back in the cabinets from which their culinary journey began.

I will rest now and allow you time to review this material and allow it to cycle through your minds.  You might say that I have loaded your minds with material, added the soap of an idea and started the machine between your ears… A fresh new approach to the after dinner routine may emerge….so don’t feel any guilt about the cessation of the current piles of gifts I so often receive… I’ll find pleasure in some other household chore that we can discuss in the next blog!  tata!!